As of tomorrow afternoon I will have formally made the full transition into my role as the proverbial suburban soccer mom, only minus the soccer. I’ve delayed this untimely coming of age for as long as humanly possible, yet this weekend I had little choice but to cave. The few fine threads of “life as it was” which dangled me dangerously high above a stereotypical existence have snapped. I now find myself quickly plummeting downward into the black hole of practicality and convenience and wondering “where has the real me gone?”
Yes, you guessed it folks, after three weeks of test driving and negotiating, we have committed to buying the spacious minivan. Yes, it hurts to even think it, let alone write it. I have finally had to relinquish all hope of actually acquisitioning that very attractive, very sassy, luxury crossover utility vehicle with the useless third row seat that even Hubby test drove and loved. I have also had to accustom myself to the idea of parting with my five-seater SUV which has served me well over the last three years, but not quite well enough. As of tomorrow I’ll be sporting the best minivan on the market with all the bells and whistles, all excepting the navigation system, that is, which I consider a completely useless option! Seriously, the way I see it, if I don’t know where I’m going by now, I’m going nowhere fast. And going nowhere fast in a minivan is just pathetic.
Lest you begin to believe me a spoiled brat, let me address those of you “haters” (no, not really) who are already thinking “what an ungrateful witch she is!” and throwing their hands up with an exasperated “poor little rich girl!” Give me a chance to explain before you go all self-righteous on me.
First of all, I did not just up and decide to discard my perfectly wonderful vehicle after a three year stint. I am vane, but not quite that crazy vane. If Ford hadn’t made keeping my SUV so unattractive (they tried to raise the interest rate on us by 8.5 percent!) I certainly would have kept it and probably drove it until it died. But guess what, Ford did, so I’m not. And I have only three things to say about it: ‘Bye-bye, Ford. It’s been real.” and “By the way, just so you know, you’ve lost a customer for life.” … like they care, mommykelly!
Secondly, in my own defense, let me say that I am not criticizing motherhood in the suburbs or soccer moms or minivan sporting ladies. Hell, as of my signing on the dotted line yesterday afternoon, I am one, darling! And it would be pretty ridiculous to be dissing myself!
That said, you simply must permit me these last few hours before I move into my new mommymobile to muse a bit sarcastically on life before children and the need for safe, practical cars that those beautiful little creatures can climb into on their own without killing my back. I don’t know where “life as it was” and “the real me” have gone, nor do I have any clue where life is going. I do know this much though: “life as it is” is the only life worth living, so best own the vehicle that will carry you through it comfortably.
I love the smell of a new car no matter what it is. Until the kids spill milk in the back seat and you don’t find out about it until it is like 100 degrees outside and something just reeks. Enjoy your new luxury ride, I wish I had one.
I used to vow that I’d never drive a mini van. Now we’re talking about selling my sassy little BMW for something more practical like your new ride… and the idea is actually appealing to me. Amazing what motherhood does to you, isn’t it?
Yes, those spills do get nasty! I was just out cleaning my SUV. It’s disgusting. And even though I am feeling a bit nostaglic, since we purchased that when our first was itty-bitty, I can’t wait to move into a nice clean vehicle, even if a mommywagon.
It IS amazing what motherhood does to you. It was my own call on not taking the crossover. But I really didn’t have a choice, space now or fight with no space later! Oh well!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one having a mommy identity crisis! While I have vowed to never ever drive a mini-van or a station wagon (do they make those any more?), I do drive a big black SUV that I consider a definite soccer mom vehicle. Maybe that’s because of the school and soccer magnets on the back???
I am keeping my durango until it dies!
I thought minivans were hideous until I rode in my sister’s new Toyota Sienna. Wow. Tons of room for my long legs, and the boys, rather than being practically on my back, were also ensconced in their own tall comfy chairs.
And the “door slides itself open” feature? When I see someone else do it to their van, I think, “Doorrrrrrrrky!” But when I do it, I think, “Thank God.” How the hell else do you open a door with a baby in your arms and a full grocery cart to keep from rolling away? (I am directing this specifically to my husband.)
Try squeezing 3 adults and two kids into a Camry… being the one in the back with your butt crammed between two car seats… well, that can’t last.
My husband thinks an SUV is the same thing as a minivan, but I’m sorry, a 4 year old can’t quite as easily haul himself up into an SUV the same way he can step comfortable into a minivan.
Now, if we could only make minivans just a LITTLE cooler-looking….