Tick Tock. I’d Really Love To Know.

Someday, just someday, I’d really love to know what makes people tick. Well, maybe not all people, just some. Heck, I’d settle for just one. You know the one. Everyone knows her. Mompreneur Extraordinaire.

Why that term? Well, certainly not because she works. She doesn’t need the money.  Hubby takes care of all that. She just does things to pass the time while living in the lap of luxury which she covets so fervently. Funny though, even though she doesn’t work, her children have been in daycare since a tender age, because, of course, milking the Domestic Diva ticket is tough work and you can’t do that with kids around.

Pretentiousness is her middle name. She likes to think of herself as just so… well, together, always striving to portray the person and woman that she really isn’t. Note that I say “portray” and not “try to be” because hell, the “be” part is just way more involved than she’s willing to get. She’s all of let’s say about thirty, but conducts her business with the authority and arrogance of a forty-year old. After all, she’s had more experiences than those ten years her elder. Hence, she’s an expert in all things social and fashion-forward. She knows it all and is not ashamed to show it.

Come on now. You still don’t recognize her? She’s the talk of the playgroup. She the one who’s got all the other mommies rolling their eyes back into their heads when she turns her back. When she leaves, they seriously wonder amongst themselves “what the hell is wrong with her?” She can’t even look other women straight in the face when she talks to them. She can really only converse in an appropriate manner with men.  That’s why, at social gatherings, no one can stand to spend more than five minutes with her, except maybe grandpa who is fascinated with picking even the most superficial of brains, especially if it has tits.  

Nonetheless, she’s the one with a group email list the length of a short novel, because after all, she has a million and a half “friends” who are all just so interested in the news of her life.  Hell, the distinction between “acquaintance” and “friend” just doesn’t exist in her vocabulary. Maybe that’s because she doesn’t know a damn thing about maintaining a friendship. You yourself have tried numerous times to no avail. There is just no converting this woman.

Of course, despite it all, she walks around convinced that everyone loves her. After all, who wouldn’t love her? She’s just so perfect! Now because most women try to be pleasant and polite, she doesn’t even remotely catch on to how much she is actually disliked. And when she does finally learn of her infamy from that mommy who has taken enough of her shit, she chalks up the dislike to sheer jealousy. After all, the only person who could have a problem with her is an extremely jealous one. She has the perfect life, or so she likes to think.

Yes, I’d really love to know what goes on inside that lovely little brain to cause such delusions. But in order to understand her, I suppose I’d have to be like her… and that I’d never want to be.

So I guess I’ll never know what makes some people tick.