When Hubby arrived home last Thursday evening at 10:15PM we had a little pow-wow about how to go about dealing with our nasty neighbor and the fallen tree. Granted, we do not wish to start a war, or continue the one she has already begun to be precise, but damned if that vindictive side of our frighteningly similar personalities didn’t rear it’s ugly head as we relished thoughts of irreproachably innocent means of retaliation and laughed ourselves silly.
(1) Our first thought was to send grubby-end-of-a-hard-workday Hubby over to her house at 10:30pm that night to ring her bell and rouse her from her bed and jet-lag catch up sleep with an oh-so-naive “Pleasure to meet you. My wife informed me that you felt it urgent that we speak. I just got home. Would you happen to have some time now to discuss things?”
(2) On second thought we considered sending Hubby over on Sunday morning at just around 5:30am to ring the bell, greet her with a chipper “Good Morning” and continue with the following explanation: “Sunday is my only day off, Mame, and I wanted to start my day right by coming directly over to discuss the matters of urgency over which you expressed concern to my wife. Are you available? Could we grab a cup of coffee together?”
(3) We also thought that maybe we’d just go ahead and take care of the tree ourselves, cutting off the fallen branch right where it hangs over the property line, leaving the part of the branch that is still hanging attached to the tree on her side of the line hanging there to kill the tree. After all, we certainly cannot be expected to trim her tree for her, can we?
(4) There’s always the option of waiting until Hubby has another extra-long work day, bringing home a rowdy group of workers, filling them with beer and firing up the chain saws at about 11pm on the first night she decides to sleep with the windows open. I can just hear Hubby now: ”But Mame, that’s absolutely the only time my super busy tree-trimming-subcontractor friends had to come and do the job as a favor to us. If you’d like to hire someone to come during the day yourself, feel free. You can pile the firewood in that corner over there. Thanks.”
And that’s where our brainstorming session left off. Because let’s face it, folks, one very pregnant mama and one exhausted daddy couldn’t talk for long at 10:30pm on a weeknight, as entertaining as the discussion may be.
(5) I’m leaving number five to my readers. Vindictive people unite! Can you think of a means by which to oust the tree but still innocently piss off our neighbor?
Haaaa! I loved your ideas! I’ve got the most vindictive mind ever and I can’t manage to think of one idea. I think you and hubby thought of them all. I was think to cut the branches off and let them fall on her side so she’d have to get rid of them, but y’all beat me to that one.
I think you ought to pull a Sharon Osbourne and throw a whole ham into her backyard for her to find later.
Seriously, I would totally cut down the branch and toss it into her yard for her to deal with. It came from her tree, so it’s her problem. You could always say that you didn’t want to dispose of her property, lest it cause any legal problems.
I could mention such activities such as drilling holes in said tree, filling with tree killing herbicide, and watching tree die in her backyard. But I’m not that type of person. Muahahahahahaha!
Or hiding a fish under her front porch….
I like option 3!
It solves your problem but sends her a message, which is “F you.”
I’m just going to assume the best about that woman; that she was so distraught about her tree that she could not control her temper.
Yeah.
Personally, I prefer anything that will wake her up late at night, or early in the morning. Why must people be so rude???
Black Domestic Goddess